And all of a sudden
Soon after the birth of my first son
A great weariness overtook me
Not just the fatigue of being a new mom
While most people even doctors insisted it was so
But a vaster fatigue
One impossible to describe
A thing like a heavy, heavy coat
Weighted with bricks
Laid across my shoulders
So heavy that my shoulders slumped over
From the tiredness so deep
That no one could understand.
If only I didn’t feel so alone,
It would all be a shade more bearable.
I thought of the great career that I had fought
To achieve
Acing every class that I took
Making Dean’s List most years
With scholarships galore
And two Master’s Degrees from
An Ivy League University.
Working on Wall Street had been
A dream that I had finally reached.
There I was on top of the world
Until the wicked, relentless, bully
Hypothyroidism
Walked into my front door.
If only
That dreaded fatigue would just
Go away
And I could become the supermom that I dreamed
Juggling motherhood and my high-flying career
Like a champ
Or at least that is what I had hoped
Before hypothyroidism
Crushed me with one big fist.
One minute became sixty,
Became days
Then years.
A miscarriage later
With no answers
But a TSH level so high
Far higher than recommended
By the Endocrine Society
And American Thyroid Association
But my doctors had no clue
Because they had never read
Those guidelines that could have
Changed everything
Could have saved my child?
I wailed.
There in black and white
A whopping TSH close to 10.0
With raging symptoms
But no one listened to my cries
That something was wrong.
The fatigue had swallowed me up
And taken my baby
But no one had noticed
But me.
I will fight
I will push
Through the fatigue
And use the research skills that
I developed when I was a young healthy
graduate student and team leader
Of a Columbia University Professor’s
Research Team.
Published in 2004 in the Journal of Counseling Psychology.
Yes my name appears in a major research journal
And I know you probably don’t know that about me
But it’s true
And it’s what saved me.
I had fallen into the deep dark hole of hypothyroidism
But I was climbing back up study after study
That I read every hour of the day and night
Scouring the internet for thyroid experts
And doctors worldwide that really knew thyroid
Not just doctors that said
My thyroid was “normal”.
Screw that crap.
“Your symptoms must be all in your head”
Is the chorus that runs out of doctors’ mouths
When they really have no idea.
I was struggling with “normal” TSH
barely able to keep my eyes open
But then there were doctors that
Really got it.
But that wasn’t all.
I turned myself into a human guinea pig
Experimenting with every method
To find the ones that worked and
Sadly too many that didn’t.
Thanks to this
And I’m grateful every day
I crushed my thyroid fatigue,
Stopped my hair loss from clogging the shower drain,
Regained my pre-hypothyroidism body,
Completely stopped the headaches,
Lifted the heavy veil of brain fog,
Dropped my dangerously high cholesterol
And even blood sugar levels.
Doctors insisted I would never have another baby
With my severe hypothyroidism and
That my thyroid symptoms would never disappear,
But I went on to conceive my second son
And proved them wrong.
My sons proved them wrong.
And now I know
That I’m not alone.
When you’ve reached rock bottom
With hypothyroidism
You know there are no words to
Describe it.
No one can imagine how thyroid fatigue
Can suck your energy dry
That you become barely YOU.
But not anymore
And Hypothyroid Mom was born.
About Dana Trentini
I’m so glad I found this discussion. I’ve had untreated hypothyroidism for 20+ years. My GP Dr put me on Synthroid way back then, but I couldn’t tolerate it. It made my heart feel like it was flip flopping around and beating freaky. So I told her I was quitting taking it. A couple of years later she wanted me to try it again. Same problem. She even had me try the lowest dose, cut in half. After a couple of weeks, I started feeling like I had more energy. It was great. Then after a month, the freaky flip flop heart beat sensation came back. So I quit taking it again. I’ve also tried the generics. Same issue.
I’m 53 years old, 90 lbs overweight, with high BP. Been on BP meds for 20 years. And still have untreated hypo. And my cholesterol has started to creep up. And I recently read that hypo can cause heart disease, clogged arteries, etc. Considering my other risk factors, this has got me really worried. Especially since it’s gone untreated for decades. What damage has already occurred!?
I’ve read about the alternative Armour, but have no idea why that was never offered as an alternative to Synthroid. Do you think it will cause the same freaky flip floppy heartbeat feeling that the Synthroid caused? Have you ever heard of anyone having this problem with Synthroid? I’ve also read that sometimes treating the hypo can actually cause or worsen heart disease (what?) I don’t know what to do…. Help…
Hi Amy, Yes I hear from people all the time at Hypothyroid Mom who react poorly to thyroid medications including racing heart, heart palpitations, etc. Here is an article that explains some of the key reasons this can happen. People can react this way on any type of thyroid medication including natural desiccated thyroid like Armour and adrenals and iron should be checked: https://hypothyroidmom.com/why-some-people-cant-tolerate-t3-and-natural-desiccated-thyroid-medications/
Finding a good thyroid doctor who is open to natural desiccated thyroid and good at treating patients with it is key. If you struggle to find a good doctor, consider booking a consultation with me. I’ve been collecting the names of good thyroid doctors from my Hypothyroid Mom readers for the past ten years. I have lists of doctors for every U.S. state as well as the UK, Australia, Canada, New Zealand, South Africa, and many countries in Europe and South America. Here is my booking calendar in case this might be of interest: https://ny786.infusionsoft.app/app/orderForms/Talk-with-Dana-Trentini-30min
My doctor once told me as a patient with hypothyroidism I would die of heart failure. He said as simple as that. You get bad cholesterol you can’t control. So either treated or untreated will result in the same fate 🤔
I have often wondered how many people sitting in the waiting room of cardiology offices have hypothyroidism. Here’s the connection to high cholesterol and other heart complications. I can say in my own personal story that may high cholesterol normalized once my thyroid medication was optimal: https://hypothyroidmom.com/hypothyroidism-and-the-heart-by-a-cardiologist/ Happy to have you at Hypothyroid Mom.
Anyone have Graves Disease? Been up down for 7 years now. Can’t get my meds right. Tired, cranky and no energy. Can’t loose weight either. I had thyroid ablation followed by radiation and have never been the same. My hair is falling out and I have severe Arthritis. Just turned 59 and I feel 70. I think I should go on disability…lol
I have many people here at Hypothyroid Mom who are hypothyroid now following RAI, anti-thyroid medication and thyroidectomy for Graves’ disease. If you are on a T4 only levothyroxine medication like the big brand Synthroid this may be the issue. There are many of us that do better on a combination of T4 and T3 thyroid medications. Here is an article about the alternative medicines: https://hypothyroidmom.com/which-is-the-best-thyroid-drug-for-hypothyroidism/
It can be challenging to find doctors open to the alternative prescriptions which is why I’ve been compiling names of good thyroid doctors by region over the past ten years. I now have long lists for every U.S. state, throughout the UK, Ireland, other areas in Europe, Canada, Australia, New Zealand, South American and South Africa. If you struggle to find a good doctor, book a consult and let’s talk. I provide every person that I meet with a list of doctors for their region. Here’s my booking calendar: https://ny786.infusionsoft.app/app/orderForms/Talk-with-Dana-Trentini-30min
Great to have you here at Hypothyroid Mom.
I’ve had hoshimotos for years and take Levithyroxine. I’m wanting to explore other options and am also curious about the supplements. Do you take all of them or are those some that you have tried? Thanks
I was diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome and depression when i was 36. I have absolutely no energy at all. I have extremely bad headaches for days. I have insomnia but some days I can sit down and I cant stay awake. I’m at my highest weight ever at 210 and I’m 60 and I hardly eat at all. Not interested in sweet foods at all. My dr tested my thyroid and all he tells me is it’s not low enough to do anything. I’ve always felt that my thyroid is my problem.
It’s so important that you find another doctor. My levels were at the low end of normal. Two doctors said nothing was needed even though I’d had a very large goiter, three small growths on my thyroid and had been diagnosed with Hashimoto’s. I’ve finally found a doctor who really knows about thyroids and is helping. I suffered needlessly for many, many years.
Hi,
tears came to my eyes as I was reading this page. got my first child at 26, and it was as you describe after the birth and last for over 2 years. Got better as i finally loose weight. got pregnant again and the after birth was completely different that time. I still had few symptoms but the fatigue wasn’t overwhelming as for my first child. As the years pass a list of different symptoms became worst. never got any diagnostic because my doctor refuse to test anything else than tsh. got a diagnostic of fibromyalgia at 51 , and was on sick leave. I was loosing short term memory, staying in bed most of the time because of pain and extreme fatigue. I spend near two years getting worst. I finally convince my doctor to have me tested for celiac disease even if he thought i didn’t had ”the profile” . my antibodies were over the roof. got a final diagnostic of celiac disease at 53, got better and back to work at 54. but still struggling with sleep trouble and fatigue and having symptoms but at least a lot less muscle and joint pain. The fact that I can work 40 hours a weak is a victory for me. Now i turned 59 and i am reading about nutrition and anything that can help. Here in Québec , Canada the health system doesn’t allow you to change your doctor if you are not satisfied. you have to go on a wait list and people without family doctor have priority… I can go to private clinic but i’m not even sure to get a doctor who will test T4 and T3. I, seriously thinking of going to Vermont or upper New-York USA, if I can find a integrative doctor
You bring light in my life with your article. i will try the supplements. I noticed I needed magnesium calcium and potassium supplements to avoid painful cramps at night, so there is still some deficiency or i am loosing minerals. it seems nutrition and supplements are the path to follow.
Thank you again for all the work you put into this website to inform us and give us hope
Yes i do agree i have thought for years i have the wrong diagnose ,,l,i take tablets for low ,thyroid ,,but i am sure mine is ,,,underactive ,,but i beive ,,mine is overactive ,,,
I sm 61 years old. When I turned 50, I weighed 124. I just started being tired, all the time. I kept loosing jobs, because I was sick too much. And the last job I had. I made too many mistakes. The woman I worked for was bipolar. You never knew from hour to hour who she was going to be. It was very stressful. I was determined not to quit another job. But, finally I could take no more. Living in daily stress, made me even more sbsent minded. I went from dr. to dr. I read everything I could get my hands on. I finally got a new dr. I told him I had been on Armour Thyroid. And that has helped. I do have some good days. But, if I keep my baby grandsons. Ages 3 and 1. By the time they go home. I have to go to bed for 2-3 days. If a anything stressful comes up, I just fall apart. I cannot take any kind of stress. None. I weighed 210 lbs at my heaviest. I also am raising an 11 year old and 17 year oldgrandson. And granddaughter. I don’t do all that I should. I just do what I can. My life is just a constant push…to get up and do anything. I know everyone thinks I’m just laxy and worthless. I was pnce the Energizer Bunny. Not so long ago.
I can relate to so much of what you said. Have you tried these particular supplements/minerals?
Hi, I’ve been diagnosed with Mosaic Downs Syndrome and Hypothyroidism since I was 4. I was only diagnosed Ceolaic at 21. After a lifetime of symptoms while on Levothyroxine. I have now taken a stand on my health. The Mosaic Downs Syndrome took precedence as I grew up. And my parents fought tooth and nail for me to get through normal school and tertiary education. I’m happily married with 3 Miracle Boys. All healthy but my middle born with a cleft lip and palette. I’ve only just been diagnosed at 33 with Hashimoto’s after telling my Doctor to run test on all TSA T3 T4 and antibodies And now apparently have to be careful as I am very close to getting type 1 diabetes! My biggest symptom is brain fog/ anxiety/ depressed/ hair loss plus more. I’m in Queensland Australia there doesn’t seem to be many intergrative Doctor’s ? I’ve started doing AIP elimination diet and started taking a few of your recommended suppliments.
The brain fog is starting to lift but still have only really just started this journey. I want to be there for my kids when they grow up. Any help would be appreciated. If you know of any integrative Doctor’s in Australia/ Queensland I would be most a appreciative.
Hello Dana,
I am a 29 years old married woman. I shifted to UK in 2013 from India; I was a healthy, very active girl back in India. The first winter and the new married lift brought in slight depression and stress in my lift and I went to the doctor to rise a red flag with regards to my gaining weight like crazy, was suggested that since it was cold I felt hungry and I might have eaten more. For this instance every year I kept on doing the blood test to make sure My thyroid level were normal and was suggested the same. Last year in 2017 I was in India and I did go through the blood test and was shocked to know that my level had increased to a whooping level than the normal. Came back to UK and asked for the blood test again and got the same response that I was fine. Then all of a sudden I got a letter recommending me to come and do the blood test again and they said exactly these words “You have been coming to us from last 5 years, saying there is a problem with thyroid and your weight gain; we kept denying that however you were right. You have hypothyroidism and the TSH level is 8.9. We apologise for the wrong tests done”; I am shattered with this news and currently taking Levothyroxin; I was planning to have a baby in another 6 months but now I am so scared to conceive because of everyone saying the complications of the thyroid problems and pregnancy. I am clueless and raging at them for being so negligent towards my health conditions.
I dont know what to do. My weight has increased up-to 30 Kgs in last four years which was very bizarre for a active, dancing, singing, working girl like me. The mood swings, fatigue, tiredness are making me sad and the late news of this problem being recognised and the ignorance showed towards is pulling me down to more depression
Hi my name is Lisa. I have experienced hypothyroid symptoms for years but my Dr only tested my TSH and it was always within the normal limits. I recently changed to a PA who ordered an ultrasound of my thyroid gland because of a previous nodule, it showed growth but a biopsy was benign. I insisted on a complete thyroid panel which indicated low TSH, T3, and T4. I am also very low in Vitamin D and my Cortisol and Progesterone are low. I have joint pain, fatigue, depression, weight gain and hair loss. I have an appointment with a function medicine NP in a week. I don’t know if I will ever feel “normal” again.
Hi Lisa, It is too common for thyroid patients to hear their thyroid labs are “normal” when they may not be optimal for them. I’m happy you sought out another medical opinion. Get a copy of your lab results and check your scores against the optimal ranges in the chart in this article that I’ll include here in my comment. Good to have you at Hypothyroid Mom.
https://hypothyroidmom.com/top-5-reasons-doctors-fail-to-diagnose-hypothyroidism/
Since the age of 16 and having a horrible case of mono, I honestly never have been the same…and so it began- the fatigue, the the fatigue, the fatigue, gaining weight even though I was very active. I was a teenager, so they blamed it on hormones. They constantly tested my thyroid, and I was always told that it “was on the low side of the bell”…”you have a sluggish thyroid” and it doesn’t justify any meds for it.
I fought that fatigue, the feeling like I ran miles and sometimes that was just to answer the door from the couch! NO ONE understood, and so that began.
I wanted attention
I was faking
I was too sensitive- sometimes people would hug me and it HURT.
I just lived with it and learned to be quiet about it.
There were times that I just wanted to sleep but I knew sleeping during the day was a no-no in my house.
I could probably write a book but I ended up being diagnosed with fibromyalgia….now, years later I have just had a thyroidectomy, and thrown into a whole other world. I could post so much more….and so many questions, but only if you want to hear it all.
I have my first appointment on Wednesday- is there anything special that I should discuss with this new doctor?
I have very strange sensations, numbness, tingling, WEIGHT gain, huge weight gain, in the past 6 months….does that drop?? Ever?
Hi Patti, Mono is a common trigger for thyroid issues. I too got mono as a teenager and I was never the same. Here is more about the connection to infections. Good to have you at Hypothyroid Mom.
https://hypothyroidmom.com/hashimotos-disease-the-infection-connection/
I have been diagnosed with Hashimoto’s. For 1 year I did the supplements & I did not get well. I went to my functional medicine doctor last week & after having my thyroid checked again we decided to try Nature-throid. I have been on it 1 week. I did have 1 good day last week. But I realize this will be a long recovery road. I had an ION blood/urine test and will go back to the doctor in 3 weeks. We will see what my body is lacking and supplement. We may also need to add LDN to my meds to relieve pain & inflammation. I have been gluten free for the last 5 months but it really hasn’t done much. I want to believe I will get better soon. Your blog gives me hope.
Sounds like you have an open-minded doctor Paula. That is half the battle. Good to have you at Hypothyroid Mom.
I’m 36 years old. I was diagnosed with hypothyroid at age 18. My TSH was 35. Looking back at pictures of me at age 15 compared to age 16 I can tell my thyroid was acting up between those ages. Around 20 I was diagnosed with hoshimotos. I am soooooo tired. I wake up tired. AlwAys. If my thyroid were to suddenly go into remission or if I found the right dosage of medications I think I would think something was wrong with me. Meaning, I don’t know what my “normal” feels like. I have NO idea. Would I be more involved with my kids? Would it not take two days for me to recover from working three 12 hr shifts in a row? Would I be able to keep up with the housework? I don’t know. I’d like to know.
20 supplements? Is that on top of your thyroid meds or in place of?
Hey Dana, You probably wouldn’t remember me, but I was best friends with your late cousin Lisa in High School.
I stumbled across your blog and it’s truly amazing. You’ve done some incredible work here. I’m so sorry about the loss of your baby.
Best,
Caren
wow Caren! Of course I remember you. I actually mentioned your name to Lisa’s sisters at her funeral. If I recall they told me you moved. I miss Lisa. What a loss to the world to lose a good woman.
Hi Dana – thanks so much for sharing this. I can relate to the fatigue, weight gain, hair loss and overall fog. I looked at the supplements you noted – do you take all 20 listed there? Do you have a recommendation for which to try first?
Please list the supplements. Thank you!
I am 76 years old, 100 pounds over weight, have noooo energy and could sleep 20 hours. Same story — doc says my levels are in range and blood work good. But none of this is any good . I know that I am going to die before my time because of this. I have all the symptoms described by everyone and none of the doctors want to listen. Help !!!
Linda get the 5 blood tests done immediately. I went to a integrative medicine doctor. For yrs I only had TSH done I was critically low in T3. So on cytomel now. I am 70 yrs old. You need to take care of YOU. I have been on Synthroid for yrs also.
I have two girls (25 and 18). I had miscarriage after miscarriage and gained 90lbs but my GP insisted my TSH was normal. Then I gained another 70lbs and felt terrible – everyone said it was because I was fat. I have horrendous depression, anxiety, tiredness, lethargy, heart arrhythmia, aortic valve stenosis, b12 deficiency and periods so heavy I couldn’t leave the house. I had one 26cm fibroid and several 16cm fibroids but too fat for surgery.
TSH constantly normal. Then last year a new doctor came and did more blood work. My TSH was 50. I am on levothyroxin but feel no better – my TSH is between 6 and 10. My joints hurt soooo much, my skin is so dry on my body that it actually sheds off, my hair is thin and dry (I have no body hair at all anymore) and I can’t shift much weight, no matter how little I eat.i have to have my heart fixed soon and am terrified. I’ve never had a thyroid scan. I honestly feel like I am in a waking nightmare.
Please ask your Dr for the thyroid scan or refer you to an endocrinologist to discuss this further. I made a diary of all my medical issues and feelings. I even felt suicidal and that got thier attention too. One thing I have learned is you need be the one in control of your body and health. Good luck Jane
I knew something was wrong. I was taking my levothyroxine. But gaining weight like crazy. I’m exhausted. I’m depressed. No one heard me or at least that’s how it seemed until my last blood test. My TSH was 75. My Dr had no idea how I was standing much less functioning. You know the saying, fake it til ya make it? I felt like I was faking it everyday. Changed my meds to NP but my reaction to it was so severe that I’m back on Synthriod. Ugh. But I’ll keep going.
What about having your doctor do the 5 blood tests. Not just the TSH which is not the gold standard test
What are the 5 tests? I just got diagnosed with this and am trying to learn all I can. Thx!
I would like to know the names of the 5 tests as well -thank you
When I was first diagnosed my doctor asked me how I got out of bed every day.. I had 2 children at the time so no choice.. My levels were over 200…!! Took a loooong time to get anywhere near normal..
My levels lately are normal. Quite unusual. I usually have my dosage of Synthroid changed 2-3 times a year. Although my levels show normal I still have all the symptoms of hypothyroidism. The insomnia, aches and pains, headaches, fatigue, cold intolerance (wearing pants in summer in Alabama because I get cold in places) and the list goes on. I am a mom of a 21 and 17 year old. I also keep my 3 year old niece quite often. I just don’t have the energy I need to be the best mom, aunt, wife, and employee that I can be. I miss being active.
I’m a 43 year old mom of to great kids 20 and 18 my energy has gone down and what I used to love I dont even bother with it!! Finding out I had Hashimoto Hypothyroidism 5years ago things just arwnt the same like clock work I go for my blood work and my ultrasounds recently finding a calcification (however its spelled) on my thyroid scared me!! Pains I have now I never had b4 I don’t really smile and my anxiety is well thats a whole other Speak My Mind..will I ever get me back becauae I forgot who she was….thanks for reading…
I feel the same way… the me is gone…
I had my thyroid killed in 2003 and then another dose of radioactive isotope given and killed it more from Graves Disease. No one knows the horrible feeling unless you have experienced it yourself. It’s funny the Doctors said your levels were fine but then said you would never have another baby b/c of your hypothyroid. It is horrible to experience but glad to have information from people like you.
Hi Betty, I’m happy you’ve found something that helps. I do not permit posting adds for products and services at Hypothyroid Mom.