thyroid fatigue so deep, there are no words

thyroid fatigue so deep, there are no words

And all of a sudden
Soon after the birth of my first son
A great weariness overtook me

Not just the fatigue of being a new mom
While most people even doctors insisted it was so
But a vaster fatigue
One impossible to describe
A thing like a heavy, heavy coat
Weighted with bricks
Laid across my shoulders
So heavy that my shoulders slumped over
From the tiredness so deep
That no one could understand.
If only I didn’t feel so alone,
It would all be a shade more bearable.

 

I thought of the great career that I had fought
To achieve
Acing every class that I took
Making Dean’s List most years
With scholarships galore
And two Master’s Degrees from
An Ivy League University.
Working on Wall Street had been
A dream
But there I was on top of the world
If only
That dreaded fatigue would just
Go away
And I could become the supermom that I dreamed
Juggling motherhood and my high-flying career
Like a champ
Or at least that is what I had dreamed
Before hypothyroidism took over my life.

 

One minute became sixty,
Became days
Then years.

 

A miscarriage later
With no answers
But a TSH level so high
Far higher than recommended
By the Endocrine Society
And American Thyroid Association
But my doctors had no clue
Because they had never read
Those guidelines that could have
Changed everything
Could have saved my child.
There in black and white
A whopping TSH close to 10.0
With raging symptoms
But no one listened to my cries
That something was wrong.
The fatigue had swallowed me up
But no one had noticed
But me.

 

I will fight
I will push
Through the fatigue
And use the research skills that
I developed as the team leader
Of a Columbia University Professor’s
Research Team
Published in 2004 in the Journal of Counseling Psychology.
Yes my name appears in a major research journal
And I know you probably don’t know that about me
But it’s true
And it’s what saved me.

 

I had fallen into the deep dark hole of hypothyroidism
But I was climbing back up study after study
That I read every hour of the day and night
Scouring the internet for thyroid experts
And doctors worldwide that really knew thyroid
Not just doctors that said
My thyroid was “normal”.
Screw that crap.
“Your symptoms must be all in your head”
Is the drivel that runs out of doctors’ mouths
When they really have no idea.
I was struggling with “normal” TSH
barely able to keep my eyes open
But then there were doctors that
Really got it.
But that wasn’t all.

 

I turned myself into a human guinea pig
Experimenting with supplement after supplement
To find the ones that worked and
Sadly too many that didn’t.
(Remember we’re all different, of course,
But they are well worth exploring
With your doctor) because thanks to them
I crushed my thyroid fatigue,
Stopped my hair loss from clogging the shower drain,
Reversed my weight back to pre-pregnancy size,
Completely stopped the headaches,
Lifted the heavy veil of brain fog,
Dropped my dangerously high cholesterol
And even blood sugar levels
Turning me into a 48 year old woman with
More energy than a 20 year old.

 

Doctors insisted I would never have another baby
With my severe hypothyroidism and
That my thyroid symptoms would never disappear,
But I went on to conceive my second son
And proved them wrong.
My sons proved them wrong.

 

And now I know
That I’m not alone.
There are millions just like me.
When you’ve reached rock bottom
With hypothyroidism
You know there are no words to
Describe it.
No one can imagine how thyroid fatigue
Can suck your energy dry
That you become barely YOU.

 

Not anymore
And Hypothyroid Mom was born.

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About Dana Trentini

I founded Hypothyroid Mom October 2012 in memory of the unborn baby I lost to hypothyroidism. Hypothyroid Mom is for informational purposes only and should not be considered a substitute for consulting your physician regarding medical advice pertaining to your health. Hypothyroid Mom includes affiliate links to favorite resources including the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program. Connect with me on Google+

Comments

  1. I had my thyroid killed in 2003 and then another dose of radioactive isotope given and killed it more from Graves Disease. No one knows the horrible feeling unless you have experienced it yourself. It’s funny the Doctors said your levels were fine but then said you would never have another baby b/c of your hypothyroid. It is horrible to experience but glad to have information from people like you.

  2. I’m a 43 year old mom of to great kids 20 and 18 my energy has gone down and what I used to love I dont even bother with it!! Finding out I had Hashimoto Hypothyroidism 5years ago things just arwnt the same like clock work I go for my blood work and my ultrasounds recently finding a calcification (however its spelled) on my thyroid scared me!! Pains I have now I never had b4 I don’t really smile and my anxiety is well thats a whole other Speak My Mind..will I ever get me back becauae I forgot who she was….thanks for reading…

  3. My levels lately are normal. Quite unusual. I usually have my dosage of Synthroid changed 2-3 times a year. Although my levels show normal I still have all the symptoms of hypothyroidism. The insomnia, aches and pains, headaches, fatigue, cold intolerance (wearing pants in summer in Alabama because I get cold in places) and the list goes on. I am a mom of a 21 and 17 year old. I also keep my 3 year old niece quite often. I just don’t have the energy I need to be the best mom, aunt, wife, and employee that I can be. I miss being active.

  4. I knew something was wrong. I was taking my levothyroxine. But gaining weight like crazy. I’m exhausted. I’m depressed. No one heard me or at least that’s how it seemed until my last blood test. My TSH was 75. My Dr had no idea how I was standing much less functioning. You know the saying, fake it til ya make it? I felt like I was faking it everyday. Changed my meds to NP but my reaction to it was so severe that I’m back on Synthriod. Ugh. But I’ll keep going.

  5. Jane Howard says:

    I have two girls (25 and 18). I had miscarriage after miscarriage and gained 90lbs but my GP insisted my TSH was normal. Then I gained another 70lbs and felt terrible – everyone said it was because I was fat. I have horrendous depression, anxiety, tiredness, lethargy, heart arrhythmia, aortic valve stenosis, b12 deficiency and periods so heavy I couldn’t leave the house. I had one 26cm fibroid and several 16cm fibroids but too fat for surgery.
    TSH constantly normal. Then last year a new doctor came and did more blood work. My TSH was 50. I am on levothyroxin but feel no better – my TSH is between 6 and 10. My joints hurt soooo much, my skin is so dry on my body that it actually sheds off, my hair is thin and dry (I have no body hair at all anymore) and I can’t shift much weight, no matter how little I eat.i have to have my heart fixed soon and am terrified. I’ve never had a thyroid scan. I honestly feel like I am in a waking nightmare.

    • Martine MacDonald says:

      Please ask your Dr for the thyroid scan or refer you to an endocrinologist to discuss this further. I made a diary of all my medical issues and feelings. I even felt suicidal and that got thier attention too. One thing I have learned is you need be the one in control of your body and health. Good luck Jane

  6. Linda Storch says:

    I am 76 years old, 100 pounds over weight, have noooo energy and could sleep 20 hours. Same story — doc says my levels are in range and blood work good. But none of this is any good . I know that I am going to die before my time because of this. I have all the symptoms described by everyone and none of the doctors want to listen. Help !!!

    • Linda get the 5 blood tests done immediately. I went to a integrative medicine doctor. For yrs I only had TSH done I was critically low in T3. So on cytomel now. I am 70 yrs old. You need to take care of YOU. I have been on Synthroid for yrs also.

  7. Hi Dana – thanks so much for sharing this. I can relate to the fatigue, weight gain, hair loss and overall fog. I looked at the supplements you noted – do you take all 20 listed there? Do you have a recommendation for which to try first?

  8. Hey Dana, You probably wouldn’t remember me, but I was best friends with your late cousin Lisa in High School.

    I stumbled across your blog and it’s truly amazing. You’ve done some incredible work here. I’m so sorry about the loss of your baby.

    Best,
    Caren

    • wow Caren! Of course I remember you. I actually mentioned your name to Lisa’s sisters at her funeral. If I recall they told me you moved. I miss Lisa. What a loss to the world to lose a good woman.

  9. Breonna says:

    I’m 36 years old. I was diagnosed with hypothyroid at age 18. My TSH was 35. Looking back at pictures of me at age 15 compared to age 16 I can tell my thyroid was acting up between those ages. Around 20 I was diagnosed with hoshimotos. I am soooooo tired. I wake up tired. AlwAys. If my thyroid were to suddenly go into remission or if I found the right dosage of medications I think I would think something was wrong with me. Meaning, I don’t know what my “normal” feels like. I have NO idea. Would I be more involved with my kids? Would it not take two days for me to recover from working three 12 hr shifts in a row? Would I be able to keep up with the housework? I don’t know. I’d like to know.
    20 supplements? Is that on top of your thyroid meds or in place of?

  10. I have been diagnosed with Hashimoto’s. For 1 year I did the supplements & I did not get well. I went to my functional medicine doctor last week & after having my thyroid checked again we decided to try Nature-throid. I have been on it 1 week. I did have 1 good day last week. But I realize this will be a long recovery road. I had an ION blood/urine test and will go back to the doctor in 3 weeks. We will see what my body is lacking and supplement. We may also need to add LDN to my meds to relieve pain & inflammation. I have been gluten free for the last 5 months but it really hasn’t done much. I want to believe I will get better soon. Your blog gives me hope.

  11. Patti DelValle says:

    Since the age of 16 and having a horrible case of mono, I honestly never have been the same…and so it began- the fatigue, the the fatigue, the fatigue, gaining weight even though I was very active. I was a teenager, so they blamed it on hormones. They constantly tested my thyroid, and I was always told that it “was on the low side of the bell”…”you have a sluggish thyroid” and it doesn’t justify any meds for it.
    I fought that fatigue, the feeling like I ran miles and sometimes that was just to answer the door from the couch! NO ONE understood, and so that began.
    I wanted attention
    I was faking
    I was too sensitive- sometimes people would hug me and it HURT.
    I just lived with it and learned to be quiet about it.
    There were times that I just wanted to sleep but I knew sleeping during the day was a no-no in my house.
    I could probably write a book but I ended up being diagnosed with fibromyalgia….now, years later I have just had a thyroidectomy, and thrown into a whole other world. I could post so much more….and so many questions, but only if you want to hear it all.
    I have my first appointment on Wednesday- is there anything special that I should discuss with this new doctor?
    I have very strange sensations, numbness, tingling, WEIGHT gain, huge weight gain, in the past 6 months….does that drop?? Ever?

  12. Hi my name is Lisa. I have experienced hypothyroid symptoms for years but my Dr only tested my TSH and it was always within the normal limits. I recently changed to a PA who ordered an ultrasound of my thyroid gland because of a previous nodule, it showed growth but a biopsy was benign. I insisted on a complete thyroid panel which indicated low TSH, T3, and T4. I am also very low in Vitamin D and my Cortisol and Progesterone are low. I have joint pain, fatigue, depression, weight gain and hair loss. I have an appointment with a function medicine NP in a week. I don’t know if I will ever feel “normal” again.

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