thyroid fatigue so deep, there are no words

thyroid fatigue so deep, there are no words

And all of a sudden
Soon after the birth of my first son
A great weariness overtook me

Not just the fatigue of being a new mom
While most people even doctors insisted it was so
But a vaster fatigue
One impossible to describe
A thing like a heavy, heavy coat
Weighted with bricks
Laid across my shoulders
So heavy that my shoulders slumped over
From the tiredness so deep
That no one could understand.
If only I didn’t feel so alone,
It would all be a shade more bearable.

 

I thought of the great career that I had fought
To achieve
Acing every class that I took
Making Dean’s List most years
With scholarships galore
And two Master’s Degrees from
An Ivy League University.
Working on Wall Street had been
A dream
But there I was on top of the world
If only
That dreaded fatigue would just
Go away
And I could become the supermom that I dreamed
Juggling motherhood and my high-flying career
Like a champ
Or at least that is what I had dreamed
Before hypothyroidism took over my life.

 

One minute became sixty,
Became days
Then years.

 

A miscarriage later
With no answers
But a TSH level so high
Far higher than recommended
By the Endocrine Society
And American Thyroid Association
But my doctors had no clue
Because they had never read
Those guidelines that could have
Changed everything
Could have saved my child.
There in black and white
A whopping TSH close to 10.0
With raging symptoms
But no one listened to my cries
That something was wrong.
The fatigue had swallowed me up
But no one had noticed
But me.

 

I will fight
I will push
Through the fatigue
And use the research skills that
I developed as the team leader
Of a Columbia University Professor’s
Research Team
Published in 2004 in the Journal of Counseling Psychology.
Yes my name appears in a major research journal
And I know you probably don’t know that about me
But it’s true
And it’s what saved me.

 

I had fallen into the deep dark hole of hypothyroidism
But I was climbing back up study after study
That I read every hour of the day and night
Scouring the internet for thyroid experts
And doctors worldwide that really knew thyroid
Not just doctors that said
My thyroid was “normal”.
Screw that crap.
“Your symptoms must be all in your head”
Is the drivel that runs out of doctors’ mouths
When they really have no idea.
I was struggling with “normal” TSH
barely able to keep my eyes open
But then there were doctors that
Really got it.
But that wasn’t all.

 

I turned myself into a human guinea pig
Experimenting with supplement after supplement
To find the ones that worked and
Sadly too many that didn’t.
(Remember we’re all different, of course,
But they are well worth exploring
With your doctor) because thanks to them
I crushed my thyroid fatigue,
Stopped my hair loss from clogging the shower drain,
Reversed my weight back to pre-pregnancy size,
Completely stopped the headaches,
Lifted the heavy veil of brain fog,
Dropped my dangerously high cholesterol
And even blood sugar levels
Turning me into a 48 year old woman with
More energy than a 20 year old.

 

Doctors insisted I would never have another baby
With my severe hypothyroidism and
That my thyroid symptoms would never disappear,
But I went on to conceive my second son
And proved them wrong.
My sons proved them wrong.

 

And now I know
That I’m not alone.
There are millions just like me.
When you’ve reached rock bottom
With hypothyroidism
You know there are no words to
Describe it.
No one can imagine how thyroid fatigue
Can suck your energy dry
That you become barely YOU.

 

Not anymore
And Hypothyroid Mom was born.

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About Dana Trentini

I founded Hypothyroid Mom October 2012 in memory of the unborn baby I lost to hypothyroidism. Hypothyroid Mom is for informational purposes only and should not be considered a substitute for consulting your physician regarding medical advice pertaining to your health. Hypothyroid Mom includes affiliate links to favorite resources including the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program. Connect with me on Google+

Comments

  1. Hello Dana,

    I am a 29 years old married woman. I shifted to UK in 2013 from India; I was a healthy, very active girl back in India. The first winter and the new married lift brought in slight depression and stress in my lift and I went to the doctor to rise a red flag with regards to my gaining weight like crazy, was suggested that since it was cold I felt hungry and I might have eaten more. For this instance every year I kept on doing the blood test to make sure My thyroid level were normal and was suggested the same. Last year in 2017 I was in India and I did go through the blood test and was shocked to know that my level had increased to a whooping level than the normal. Came back to UK and asked for the blood test again and got the same response that I was fine. Then all of a sudden I got a letter recommending me to come and do the blood test again and they said exactly these words “You have been coming to us from last 5 years, saying there is a problem with thyroid and your weight gain; we kept denying that however you were right. You have hypothyroidism and the TSH level is 8.9. We apologise for the wrong tests done”; I am shattered with this news and currently taking Levothyroxin; I was planning to have a baby in another 6 months but now I am so scared to conceive because of everyone saying the complications of the thyroid problems and pregnancy. I am clueless and raging at them for being so negligent towards my health conditions.

    I dont know what to do. My weight has increased up-to 30 Kgs in last four years which was very bizarre for a active, dancing, singing, working girl like me. The mood swings, fatigue, tiredness are making me sad and the late news of this problem being recognised and the ignorance showed towards is pulling me down to more depression

  2. Hi my name is Lisa. I have experienced hypothyroid symptoms for years but my Dr only tested my TSH and it was always within the normal limits. I recently changed to a PA who ordered an ultrasound of my thyroid gland because of a previous nodule, it showed growth but a biopsy was benign. I insisted on a complete thyroid panel which indicated low TSH, T3, and T4. I am also very low in Vitamin D and my Cortisol and Progesterone are low. I have joint pain, fatigue, depression, weight gain and hair loss. I have an appointment with a function medicine NP in a week. I don’t know if I will ever feel “normal” again.

  3. Patti DelValle says:

    Since the age of 16 and having a horrible case of mono, I honestly never have been the same…and so it began- the fatigue, the the fatigue, the fatigue, gaining weight even though I was very active. I was a teenager, so they blamed it on hormones. They constantly tested my thyroid, and I was always told that it “was on the low side of the bell”…”you have a sluggish thyroid” and it doesn’t justify any meds for it.
    I fought that fatigue, the feeling like I ran miles and sometimes that was just to answer the door from the couch! NO ONE understood, and so that began.
    I wanted attention
    I was faking
    I was too sensitive- sometimes people would hug me and it HURT.
    I just lived with it and learned to be quiet about it.
    There were times that I just wanted to sleep but I knew sleeping during the day was a no-no in my house.
    I could probably write a book but I ended up being diagnosed with fibromyalgia….now, years later I have just had a thyroidectomy, and thrown into a whole other world. I could post so much more….and so many questions, but only if you want to hear it all.
    I have my first appointment on Wednesday- is there anything special that I should discuss with this new doctor?
    I have very strange sensations, numbness, tingling, WEIGHT gain, huge weight gain, in the past 6 months….does that drop?? Ever?

  4. I have been diagnosed with Hashimoto’s. For 1 year I did the supplements & I did not get well. I went to my functional medicine doctor last week & after having my thyroid checked again we decided to try Nature-throid. I have been on it 1 week. I did have 1 good day last week. But I realize this will be a long recovery road. I had an ION blood/urine test and will go back to the doctor in 3 weeks. We will see what my body is lacking and supplement. We may also need to add LDN to my meds to relieve pain & inflammation. I have been gluten free for the last 5 months but it really hasn’t done much. I want to believe I will get better soon. Your blog gives me hope.

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