Living with a Hypothyroid Wife

Living with a hypothyroid wife

Unless someone lives in your shoes it is hard for them to understand what hypothyroidism does to you. I have no doubt there are many people in your life that don’t get your experience with hypothyroidism. Perhaps sharing this article will help them understand your experience a little better.

Written by Palle Flodgaard

My name is Palle, and I am married to Helle Sydendal, the author of From Hypothyroid to Healthy and an advocate for hypothyroid patients.

Following my wife’s work as an active patients’ advocate, meeting thousands of patients and their relatives at her lectures and other engagements, I can’t help but notice the similarity in people’s stories.

However, one thing has struck me the most: so many are struggling with various issues in their daily lives – especially in their family life and work.

At the lectures, many people – mostly husbands – have asked me how our marriage has survived this far, how it was like for me to live with a woman suffering from hypothyroidism, and how they can support their wives.

Hypothyroidism can be hard on a marriage

For many patients, hypothyroidism can be a cruel illness to live with, especially with all its horrible symptoms. However, if you add divorce and/or maybe job loss to that, it makes it even worse – I have met a lot of people in that situation.

And there is no doubt that hypothyroidism can be hard on a marriage. As a husband, you will probably hear about this illness a lot because it affects all aspects of your life and that of your wife. Besides, you might already be a little tired of listening to her complaints, not to mention that it might not always be interesting talking about the disease.

But don’t give up just yet, as there is hope if and when she gets the right treatment.

Let me describe some of my experiences in living with an undiagnosed, later undertreated, and finally well-treated thyroid patient.

She was sick for years before she was diagnosed

First of all, I now realize that my wife had already the symptoms of hypothyroidism from the time we first met. She was always feeling freezing, always needing an extra blanket or a thick down jacket even in summertime. That was how I met her – she needed my warmth.

As years went by, more and more symptoms became known. Not only did she gain weight, she was also sleeping a lot. She suffered from preeclampsia when she gave birth to our boys.

But at the time, I didn’t know that Helle was actually ill – I just thought it was all part and parcel of getting older.

But Helle herself was convinced that something was wrong with her. Finally, she was diagnosed with hypothyroidism and was told that she needed medicine for the rest of her life, but that she would feel well again, and that her symptoms would eventually disappear. Sadly they did not.

I didn’t really realize she was sick – I was busy

Don’t think for a moment that I was actually much of a support at the beginning, even though Helle was by then already diagnosed. Sure, I knew she was sick. But I also knew that she was on medication, so she should be alright, and so I thought!

I was too busy and caught up with trying to manage both my job and almost all the housework at home like doing the dishes, preparing dinner, doing the laundry, cleaning, picking up the kids from kindergarten and school, and fixing the old house we had bought – all at the same time. I was too busy to really be conscious of my wife’s illness.

She was sleeping all day

Of course, when I had the time I sometimes wondered why my wife was always sleeping when she came home from work. Sometimes she would sleep until the next day when she had to go to work again. I wondered why she suddenly seemed to have problems with her employer – she used to be a highly valued employee who was entrusted with a lot of responsibility. She used to argue even with the Boss when he tried to interfere with her work – and more often than not she’d get her way. But suddenly, all her spirit was gone.

She forgot everything

I used to wonder why she kept forgetting everything – all the time: purse, credit card, cell phone, shopping list, where she was, and where she was going. Time and time again I would get phone calls from nice people who had found her credit card or purse. She had to have a new credit card – (and all the other cards) all the time – including new codes, that she could never remember. And new phones – we’ve spent a fortune on cellphones.

Sometimes my wife would call me from some place where she had ended up while driving home, having forgotten where she was. Or, she would tell me that she was late because she had to pull over and take a nap.

She gained and continued to gain

She also gained even more weight – a lot of weight, even though she was always following a serious diet. I couldn’t understand why. However, I did not really think much of it. After all, she had given birth to my two beautiful sons. Maybe it was only natural. It didn’t matter to me – for I love my wife.

She was seeing doctors all the time

In all this, she saw her doctor quite often and later some endocrinologist – I honestly don’t remember the details. She would often complain to me about her weight gain and about her troubles with getting back in shape. She could hardly walk, even up short stairs, without taking a break to breathe.

I listened but I didn’t really quite understand. And of course sometimes I got a little tired of talking about the disease. I just hoped the doctors would help her. However, they did not. And life went on – daily life that is.

I got my wife back

One day she told me she had found a new doctor (again!), and that she wanted to give it another try. He apparently gave her another kind of medicine – I didn’t really understand at the time the difference. I was busy.

But something happened. My wife changed, not instantaneously but gradually. Her mood changed. She was happier, and her spirit returned, slowly but surely. She then lost weight – a lot of weight. After two years of adjusting her medication, she completely looked and behaved herself once again – beautiful and full of energy.

And then she wrote a book.

Finally I understood

It was when I read the manuscript of her new book that I finally realized what she had been going through, and how ill she had been. I also came to realize how terrible she had been treated by her doctors, and how little people including me and many a doctor had understood hypothyroidism.

The book finally helped me accept and understand my wife’s illness and to realize how I could support her.

I became her memory

After Helle finally got the proper treatment, I really don’t think much anymore of her illness. She is again the person that I married 17 years ago.

But Helle still needs help and support. Hypothyroidism is chronic and if she forgets her medication, even for only a few days, the symptoms would be back. She has to take her pills three times a day.

In the beginning Helle hated when I looked inside her pill-box and told her if she had forgotten to take some of the pills. But she learned to accept it – because if she forgets her pills – the symptoms come back and she becomes forgetful and therefore forgets to take even more pills.

So I have become her memory. Every morning I give her the first pills and check that she remembers all the pills on the day before. As long as Helle takes her medication, hypothyroidism does not affect our life anymore.

What can you do?

How can you help your hypothyroid wife (or husband, girlfriend, boyfriend, relative)?

That really depends on whether s/he is well treated or still struggling just to get diagnosed or find the right dose or treatment.

If s/he is still struggling with the symptoms and/or finding the right treatment, there are many things you can do:

  1. Most importantly: remember that you love each other. Remember how you first fell in love. Help each other to recall those precious moments. You will need those to get through the difficult times ahead.
  2. Accept and understand her/his situation. It might be helpful to read about other patients’ experiences. You will realize that other patients are in the same situation and that there is hope for a normal life again.
  3. Don’t expect too much from her/him in daily life. You probably have to take up most of the practical work in and around the house.
  4. Don’t let her see the doctor alone. A person suffering from hypothyroidism will often find it difficult to explain her symptoms. Be there to support her and if necessary be her advocate. Help her get the proper treatment. And if need be, help her find another doctor.
  5. Read books about hypothyroidism – because she probably can’t concentrate or remember what she reads.
  6. Remember, there is always hope. Given the right treatment, chances are your wife will recover and be herself again.
  7. Maybe she needs help with the medication. Doses sometimes have to be regulated and adjusted. Be aware of your wife’s condition – has she changed? You will probably be the first to notice. Is she getting tired and forgetful again? Maybe she needs a raise in dose – talk to the doctor. Or is she restless and anxious? Maybe the dose is too high – talk to the doctor.

Life can become normal again

When your wife is well treated, she probably will not need that much support anymore on account of her illness, except for making sure that she does take her medication which you might need to remind her.

Also, she might need your help to explain her illness to other people. Hypothyroidism is a trivialized illness and very few know anything about the consequences and extent of the disease.

Accept that hypothyroidism will be part of your lives.

But manage it right, and hypothyroidism will have little or no impact on the way you live your life.

My wife Helle was sick with hypothyroidism for years. When she was finally diagnosed, she was treated with a T4-only medication known as Eltroxin. The symptoms did not go away – they got worse. It wasn’t until she got a new doctor who added Liothyronine (T3) to her treatment regimen that she felt well again. Read her story in From Hypothyroid to Healthy.

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About Dana Trentini

Dana Trentini founded Hypothyroid Mom October 2012 in memory of the unborn baby she lost to hypothyroidism. This is for informational purposes only and should not be considered a substitute for consulting your physician regarding medical advice pertaining to your health. Hypothyroid Mom includes affiliate links including the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program.

Comments

  1. Lynda Ottnad says

    Wow! I wish my then husband and I read this years ago. He got tired of my various symptoms decided I was “too great an obligation” and left. That alone almost broke me. It has taken me 4 years to get over his leaving add that to my now diagnosed illness and Ivas out of it
    Thank you for this I will share in hopes it helps someone before it’s too late.

  2. For 10 years I dealt with the same issues, had gained almost 20 pounds of extra weight,
    I’m 5’ 9 and always been tall and skinny all my life. I was treated T4 and T3 hormone patches hormone creams but nothing worked. Finally a friend spoke up and asked me if I have ever been treated for hormones. She recommended a hormone Dr that recommended a Pellet injection. After a year of pellet injection every 3 months I was able to get off my Thyroid medicine completely. A lot of Dr, even OBGYNs do not understand the importance of hormonal balance. I am back to my normal weight, feel great, exercise 4 times a week, and take my pellet injection every 4 months. Has she ever visited a FEMALE hormone Doctor?

  3. My wife has struggled with this for years. She is currently on meds that appear to be really helping her. I am always looking for resources to help me in helping her become herself again. I tried to sign up in the black box above, but it doesn’t appear to be functioning properly. How else can I sign up for more posts and information? She means the world to me and I just want to be able to help her however I can!
    Thank you for your time.

  4. I’m on Levothyroxine and I still feel like crap, can’t loose weight. My T3 and T4 are fine and the dose I take of my medication is on point for me. I feel like I’ve tried everything. No one has answers.

    • Have you ever tried Armor Thyroid? It’s desiccated pig thyroid. Synthroid didn’t work for me and I still had every symptom.

    • Hi
      I’ve had levothyroxine 50mcg-350mcg per day, varying in dosage, I have had this awful disease for at least 15 years, I have gained almost four stone, have no energy, cannot concentrate, seen different doctors at my surgery and they are all hopeless, have even seen a endocrinologist, who discharged me as my levels were within a normal range at the time?? What’s worse is because I feel so bad and fed up. It’s knocks your confidence and really begin to hate the person you become?? If anyone has any suggestions, I’m all ears. Thank you 😊

  5. I’m on T3 and T4 I struggle daily
    My husband suffers with our relationship as I have no energy
    I have seen so many drs and no one can help
    I have given up, I just exist daily

    • Brianna G. says

      ❤ Look up a functional medicine practitioner. Get the book “The Root Cause” by Izabella Wentz. Find your root cause. If you are on meds and something still doesn’t feel right, you haven’t found everything.
      You can do better, I promise. 5.5 years and many roller coaster rides, but slowly I am better. Mine is Hashimoto’s hypothyroidism.
      Take care.

  6. I take 2000mg of vitamin D and 175mg of Levothyroxine and I still feel crappy. Maybe worse than ever. I’m a bigger than I have ever been (even when pregnant), tired, moody, emotional, full of anxiety, but what worries me the most of all is my ability to stay focused and the fact that I can’t remember literally anything. My Dr always says my levels are within normal range😢

    • Levothyroxine is T4. It’s possible you need T3. TSH is not really dependable. See if your doctor or a new one will test your full thyroid panel.

    • I feel the same way. My dr says all my levels are in normal range… I take 137mcg levothyroxine and I cant lose the weight. I’m bigger than I’ve ever been, I eat healthy, I go to the gym, yet I’m still pushing 300 lbs. It’s so frustrating. Now my doctor says my thyroid has shrunk, which he thinks may be hashimoto’s but theres no better medication than what I am taking already. I am so exhausted and the brain fog and memory issues are so frustrating…

      • I have hashimoto’s myself! I’m always tired and I can’t loose weight but I also don’t gain. I’ve been at the same weight for 5 years. I started taking Apple
        cider vinegar gummies and I have a ton more energy!! However come 9pm I hit a wall and can’t function I just need sleep!

    • Brianna G. says

      Look up “The Root Cause” by Izabella Wentz.

  7. You both are lucky to have each other. My husband doesn’t understand what I am going through and now I am so emotional and at times I have suicidal thoughts. I am so confused.

    • I feel the same and my husband doesn’t realise The significance of the change in me. I think he Does not want to from fear. I
      Have some relief to know the large swings of emotions is not my fault. I blamed myself terribly for years.

  8. Your wife is beautiful in both photos. I am glad she is feeling better. I am on alternative natural medicine for this only started and already I am noticing a difference I hope to loose weight and get back to myself. It shows that to keep trying is key. You both sound like a lovely couple. With very best wishes to you both.

  9. Celine Dalimata says

    My husband give me my pill every morning too!

  10. Thyroid cancer. But oncologist tells me I’m ok. Asked for referral to immunologist. No you don’t need it. If it gets worse we’ll just yank it out. I’m so fed up with doctors that I experiment with vitamins to see which make me feel better…and they’ve actually helped. In the meantime I’ll keep looking for a real doctor (that’s one who listens to you and can diagnose)

  11. Susan Blanchfield says

    Helle is beautiful in both of those pictures.

  12. Many years ago prevention magaine had an article,When something just isn’t right!! I had a very symptom slightly. We to Dr he put me on Synthroid.5 I was a new person in a couple of days!! That was in 1984.

  13. Kathleen says

    I began feeling ill at 30, was diagnosed with hypothyroidism at 50, and am now 60 and feeling worse than ever, despite meds. There are days that I wish I would just go ahead and die. It would be a relief. I have spent half of my life with chronic fatigue, paralyzing anxiety attacks, all over aches and pains, weight gain, extreme temp fluctuations, and the list goes on. I could have watered a farm with my tears over the years. I luckily have a spouse who is understanding, and tries to put me back together again after each meltdown. The author of Living With a Hypothyroid Wife is another amazing man who stuck by their gal!

    • After getting my blood work checked, finding out I was low in vitamin Band vitamin D my doctor recommended vitamin B shots and taking vitamin D. My anxiety is almost completely gone. Finally feeling more like myself every day. My hope is you can find something to help you also.

  14. Aliyah Buchanan says

    I am 15 years old and all the women in my family have hypothyroidism. My mother is taking me to get tested this week to see if I, too, will have to take medication for the rest of my life. I have been showing many of the symptoms most notably extreme irrotation, hair loss, and lack of energy. If I am diagnosed, does the medication change who you are? Will it have been caught early enough that I wont have problems later in life?

  15. Hello all. My wife suffers from terrible thyroid and hashimotos. It really got bad when I we moved home from California 5 years ago after I got out of military. We spent a few years in the in laws house and our own condo and 2 years ago we have a beautiful home and I have a great job though I have had many jobs and that is a factor that plays into her swings and depression. I supported her decision whole heartedly late last year to quit her job of 3 years as a escrow assistant for a title company which I’m sure was tough in itself with her sickness. I have always been very impatient not just with the sickness but pissed at the doctors for not being able to get it right. For years we have had a terrible diet and hers is worse in order to save money or time because I am away from home 3/4 of the year. She has been switched medicines about 10 times in the last 5 years we have been home here in Texas. She resorts to dealing with the depression by flying herself to her phone and spending money out of boredom or just physically not thinking about repercussions of having a bill to pay and I can tell she puts on a front of happiness that I can see right through, most days are bad but some are great. We could be having a fantastic day and if I don’t pick the parking spot she wanted it’s the end of the world and the day is ruined. I understand and know the symptoms and support her, but the way I am I can not forget the fact that she won’t be happy until she accepts it herself and sucks it up and does what she has to do in order to have the fullest life her and I can together, we’ve been together for 11 years and married for 9, I’m 28 and she is 26. She’s too young to be going through this in the prime of our life and it’s stressful thinking about bringing a kid into the picture when she barely takes care of herself. Please help me with any advice you all have

    • Pauline Gandy says

      Don’t give up on her. I have had Hoshi’s most of my life. I am 41 years old I have a 16 year old daughter and a 3 year old. I have days when I can concur the world ,and others where I struggle just to go to work. Unless you have this horrible autoimmune disease it is difficult to understand. We look normal. Some days we are happy ,others we cry, we are indecisive, and depressed. The best advice I can give to a husband is read. Educate yourself on what she goes through. Diet is critical, although I continue to struggle with it. Consistency is hard, we can’t remember where we put our keys, and we don’t have the energy to look for them. Stick with her!!!! Pregnancy is HELL for a person suffering with Hoshi’s. We are already exhausted ,and now we are trying to support another life inside our already exhausted body. Raising children is more difficult. It’s a challenge, but you have to know what you’re getting into before you do it, so you can be as prepared as possible. Educate yourself. It’s not that she doesn’t want to change it’s hard to add any additional stress to her day. Hope this helps. Polly

    • Roger Herrera says

      Don’t give up and let her have those days of emotions. It’s truly not the person you remember and more so not the person she remembers. I went the other way and was very busy with a family business. I regret everyday not being more sensitive to her needs. In my case it was to late before I even knew what was the major factor. I knew that when she took medication she was the person I remember. But didn’t realize the symptoms involved remembering so my family life was a roller coaster ride out of the twilight zone. Mostly my fault for not being supportive and mean at times.

      It’s are job to protect are family even from ourselves. I don’t have much advice because I wasn’t strong enough. Mostly I was not educated enough. You are already on the right track and I wish your family the best of life. Love her educate yourself like it says above DONT let her go it alone. In my case I actually became the exact description I have read people wrote about thyroid issues. I was reason for no joy, energy and happiness. Not thyroid issue but me because I was weak. Iv been paying the ultimate price for two years and many more to come.

  16. My sister has just received test levels back and it says her TSH level is high. If she has hypothyroidism, it would explain a lot of the symptoms you are all describing, but she has also been like for years. According to this article I came across though it says you can’t simply rely on the tests. Does anyone have experience with this?
    https://www.dietvsdisease.org/normal-tsh-levels/

  17. Carrollynt says

    I was diagnosed with Hypothyroidism 6 years ago. Upon diagnoses, my practitioner admitted that I had likely suffered from this condition for years as I had experienced 4 miscarriages among many other symptoms. At the beginning of this year, I found a wonderful practitioner who addresses thyroid conditions with a Functional Medicine approach. This has been a total tame changer for me! I am no longer a T4 only patient. She has been able to add other medications that are helping to get my condition and symptoms under better control. She diagnosed me with Hashimotos, which is a very common cause of hypothyroidism, but no other practitioner had ever checked. When my first labs came back, my antibodies were literally off the charts. My thyroglobulin level, which should be less than 9, was reported as more than 900 (apparently they just quit counting at that number). Since starting treatment with her, this level has steadily dropped as have my symptoms. I am currently taking T4 as well as T3, and Low Dose Naltrexone to lower my antibodies. She explained that my TSH could look great, but my body is still struggling to convert, which is making me tired, depressed, etc… I would strongly encourage anyone out there experiencing hypothyroid symptoms to seek out a practitioner that is willing to address your issues with more than T4 only treatment!

  18. Scott Wade Birrell says

    My mother was diagnosed when i was about 12. Needless to say i have had a lot of time with this illness. My wife has hypothyroidism. We have been together for 8 years now. 5 almost 6 in marriage. This is by far the hardest thing i have ever done in my life. We’ve always had a family. There has been good and bad. Sometime i just need to talk to someone that might be going through the same thing.

  19. katherine lalonde says

    I was diagnosed 3 yrs ago with a thyroiditis that eventually destroyed my thyroid gland. Doctors says that it was caused from a virus. I had 3 doctors following me as my TSH levels had raised to 81 were I ended up in the emergency room and thought I was going to die. I couldnt stay awake, felt like I was going into a coma, had anemia, elevated liver enzymes, heart problems, couldn’t walk, couldnt drive,no memory, felt like a living zombie and this all came on suddendly. It took over 6 months to get my TSH levels somewhat normal again. I finally saw the light, felt normal again but only after a year of treatment. I was seen by 3 doctors every week, to every two weeks, to a monthly basis. I felt much better and like I was on top of the world until my hypothyroidism creeped on me again. I’ve gained 9 lbs since then, even though I have not changed my diet, I am gluten free, eat mainly lots of fruit and vegies and some lean meat. My calory intake has not changed either. Its hard and like many other sufferers, as it affect every part of your being. Hopefully, one day a cure will be found. Its nice to share our experiences on this blog. Thanks for lisening Kathy

  20. Stacy Cupples says

    I have been sick for about 3 years with a swollen lymph node that no one can figure out why. I have been to over 5 different doctors . I just went to one doctor who drew over 8 vials of blood to test for various things. My Thyroid came back & she said I had hypothyroidism she later drew blood & it looked fine. I am so confused & just want to feel better.

  21. Charity Whitehurst says

    I was just diagnosed and I pray I become normal again!

    • Antje Richardson says

      HI Charity,
      I feel for you. I was just diagnosed as well after having my right thyroid and a nodule removed 6 months ago. You truly do feel like you’re going insane. Still trying to get regulated. Hope you feel better.

  22. Reginia Downs says

    I have hypothyroidism. When they ran a test on me 18 months ago, they found that my thyroid was ok, but some gland that helps your thyroid work properly was batting at 135 while supposed to be somewhere between 3 & 5. (I don’t know all the right terms). I didn’t even know I was sick. I thought I was tired. I was a single mom who worked 2-3 jobs all the time to pay bills. I can tell a difference since being on the medicine. I didn’t know I could have the energy I do. But I can also tell when I miss a dose. I just want to sleep, my brain is foggy and I hurt all over.

  23. I’ve been divorced for three years now, and it came about the last year my wife and I were together because it was only about halfway through the year that she was diagnosed.
    For several years she had all the classic symptoms, but of course could be explained away — and treated — by other factors, not knowing it was all mimicry or was actually being triggered by the hypo.
    She began on 60mg of Armour in June and all either of us knew was it was treatable, without realizing all the other symptoms she’d had could have been and likely were related. They were all mostly physical symptoms.
    By the time she was being treated, however, her mental state had begun to change and did so even more dramatically over the ensuing months. I found out much later, during the divorce, she should have returned to the doctor shortly after beginning Armour to have her TSH levels checked. So, she’d probably had thyroid problems for years, did not have an initial follow-up about her levels, all the while becoming more and more erratic to the point of becoming a danger to herself and me. Our relationship was ending as were several close friendships that had gone on for years, as well as some of her own family members. She had 4 jobs in two years and during our separation/divorce, 4 roommates in 1 year. She ran all of them off as her employers ran her off. During our separation period, she threatened suicide on at least three different occasions.
    The aggression on her part led to restraining orders and a domestic violence injunction — that she had placed on “ME.” It was so unpredictable that when we went to court I had a choice to leave the injunction in place and never see or talk to her again but able to plead ‘not guilty’ to alleged charges. And I had to do it.
    I lost my house temporarily after she abandoned it, my dogs, all belongings I brought into the marriage, and part of my sanity.
    She’d already started another relationship while we were together and I have no idea where she is now and have always hoped and prayed that she got the proper treatment for her sake and anyone with whom she has a relationship, be it boyfriend/husband, friend and employers.
    It is a very unforgiving and tragic disease that can change so much in so little time.

    • Roger Herrera says

      O my how much we have similar. No one even knows. How are you doing today. I’m going through it all with kids but also believe a personality disorder is also involved.

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