OH…MYYY GAWD!!! Both this article and your response make me violent. As a once vivacious, productive, extremely active Mom of three who gave up my dreams of becoming a doctor and took care of my family for years at home so my husband (who works in sales) could travel for his job, all while struggling with my own chronic illness and caring for my chronically ill daughter…I am appalled that you both speak the way you do about all the sacrifices you’ve had to make because your wives has Hashimoto’s. OH…and the gift that you’ve provided by caring for HER two kids as well. I mean someone give these guys a prize! And then to profit off of her pain by writing a book about “your sacrifice” as well?! What happened to those vows you made? Remember? “For better or worse?” What if you became the one who was chronically ill. Can you imagine if she not only published how bad she had it due to your suffering, but also profited off of it? All while speaking of your “crazy myriad of symptoms”? ! It’s Hashimoto’s people!!! And while this is an exhausting and frustrating disease, there are far worse things she could be dealing with. ( Ego-centric husbands being one of those!).

Guess what guys? HER ILLNESS IS NOT ABOUT YOU!!! And guess who’s suffering worse than you are?! SHE IS!!!!

So what do I know about it? Well, I have lupus which caused me to have a brain disease that causes the same symptoms as a brain tumor with no cure. I’ve had three brain surgeries. One during which, my doctor damaged my pituitary gland and caused my thyroid not to work properly, subsequently leading to a significant weight gain within 5 months of surgery. I also get monthly infusions for my lupus and oh yeah, my bedside is filled with bottles of medication I have to take daily. Due to the pituitary damage I don’t sleep most nights and, because they also nicked the part of my brain responsible for memory, I sometimes get confused. And this year, I’ll need spine surgery! But guess what?! And because I have lupus, it takes at least three years after every surgery to recover enough just to get out of bed.

And our three kids? Well, our two oldest I brought with me into the marriage when they were one and eight years old. And we had one of our own. But now all three our ours. He adopted them both. He helped them with school when I couldn’t. He got them up in the morning, and took them to and from school and helped them with their schoolwork when I couldn’t. And when things got really bad, he worked from home. But don’t get confused.

In our 24 years of marriage we’ve been through a lot. But I wasn’t useless. There were literally only about four years total where it was hard for me to do much of anything. The other 20 years I worked outside the home. I raised three beautiful and responsible children. I cleaned our home daily, even when sick. I did the laundry. I took my children to their dance classes and recitals and competitions or track meets and soccer games. I hosted sleepovers, led Girl Scout troops and went to all of their programs, recitals. sports games, competitions, choir concerts or took the kids to see their favorite performer in concert, etc. We went to an amusement park once or twice a year and we often visited our summer pool in the summertime. There were also a few vacations along the way, to Disney or to see the sights or just between states to see friends and family. I also cooked and cleaned and shopped for birthdays, Halloween costumes , Christmas presents and made special treats to give family and friends. Moreover, when I could work, I worked. From office manager to paralegal I put in my time. And because my husband’s job required that we move three times, I painted, moved furniture, established and cared for our landscaping decorated our homes to either sell or move into and cared for the pets.

Now our children are young adults in their 20’s and 30’s. They are doing well. Sadly since I had my botched brain surgery in 2019 and a surgery to repair the damage in 2022, things have gotten harder. I found out that I have severe stenosis in my spine and am struggling to walk and will need surgery soon. Along with the pain of lupus and the loss of all the dreams I’d had for my own life and career, I suffer with bouts of depression for all the independence and vitality I once had. This summer, we’ll go with the kids to our local amusement park for a couple of days, but this year, I’ll just be an observer and my husband will be by my side.

Despite all our struggles, tears and sacrifices we still love each other very much and at 54 years old our sex life has never been better!! The kids are finally moved out and we are enjoying our time together! While we used to take long walks together or dance together at our friends weddings and ride roller coasters with our kids…now we watch our favorite series together, have long talks, go to the movies, play games with our friends or have friends over for dinner.

We don’t have the life we dreamed about. We’ll probably have to downsize soon. The finances are way tighter and we’ll likely have to work until we die…but we have each other, our family and instead of focusing on how bad everything is, we focus on how good things can still be. We adjust and we realize that the only thing that really matters is the love we share with friends family and each other!

Note: My husband didn’t start out this way. The first few years were really hard. But after he started coming with me to my doctors’ appointments and witnessing the ways that I suffered he realized that this wasn’t my battle to fight. It was ours, and he’s been by my side ever since; all the while knowing that I’ll be here when he needs me too!

If Hashimoto’s is what has caused you to write this article and speak of your wife’s overwhelming symptoms, I can only assume that you would completely throw in the towel if her health ever got worse. I shared your article with my oldest daughter (who has Hashimoto’s) and my husband as well. We all had a good laugh, thank you. However we’re so sad that you have no idea how absurd it is.

We sad that your wife is struggling so, but sadder still that you can’t see that her pain and struggle; her loss of life and her dreams isn’t better than the struggle you think you have. The world is vast. And the list of the various ways in which people struggle is long. While my plight may be worse than yours it’s not as bad as a friend of mine who has the same brain disease I have, but in her early 30’s was faced with spending the rest of her life in bed because of the damage her neurosurgeon caused. Like she’s only out of bed to see the doctor and that’s only in a wheelchair. Her husband works long hours, bathes her, dresses her and LOVES HER! And while eternally grareful she longs to have her life back. She longs to be a nurse again. We accept our challenges because we realize it could always be so much worse.

Your wife is beautiful….gorgeous really! She has Hashimoto’s but that doesn’t define her. And you caring for her doesn’t define you….but how you react to it absolutely does. I pray we all are lucky enough to find a great love. The test is whether or not you can hold onto it when it’s no longer “perfect”! Good job manning up., but you still have a ways to go. Keep going. Be better.

I’m sorry this article made you feel that way. It’s so hard to have hypothyroidism and it is not our fault. The article was meant for spouses feeling confused but I see what you mean. Good to have you at Hypothyroid Mom.

Lesa, It’s good to have you at Hypothyroid Mom. You’re right that we must educate ourselves in order to get the best help. I hope your new doctor helps you find optimal treatment. If you wish to find a different doctor, consider booking an individual consult with me. I give every person a list of thyroid doctors for their areas based on recommendations from my followers as a bonus. Here’s my booking page: https://ny786.infusionsoft.app/app/orderForms/Talk-with-Dana-Trentini-30min